By Bill Needle
April, 2000
Wow, a chance for Tom and Marie to travel to Europe sans enfants. Not only travel but to celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary and participate in Graphics Mania 2000 in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. Hmmmmmm. What about a babysitter for their four kids ranging in ages from 2 to 9 during March Break (all students get the week off)? What about the business back home? Where to stay? What to do?
Karma. Just call it good karma that everything fell into place. Tom and Marie's favorite babysitter was available since the College she attends was also closing down for March Break. Trusty Bill Gordon was available to handle the business reins for the week. Dutch-Canadian friend, Rita, was to visit her parents in Schoonhoven (40 minutes south of Amsterdam) at the same time and graciously offered a place to stay on the weekend. And host, Bob van Duuren, gave us all the details needed to get about Holland. Or is it the Netherlands? Or North Holland? More on this later.
What Karma?. Just call it bad karma in our attempts to fly to Amsterdam. One would figure that if one has plane tickets then one is assured of a seat, right?! Well, not so if you fly Canadien. It's a first-come-first-wait-to-be-told-it's-oversold. What! You mean that it's “standard practice” for Canadien Airlines to sell more tickets then there are seats? Yep! And not only did we experience this “lack of space” at Ottawa's Mcdonald-Cartier Airport but also Toronto's Pearson Airport. Ahhhh, just get us on the dang plane so we can visit the land of windmills!
Ackk! Just get me a seat on that plane out there puh-leze!
Tom got to sit beside a jolly man, Enoch (“son of god”), at the back of the Boeing 747 upper deck. Isn't that where Harrison Ford hid out in the movie Air Force One? Gawd, I hope there aren't any Russian terrorists having a thing for North Americans on the flight. I'd have to beat them over the head with David Huss' Official Guide to Photo-Paint 9 book. Or, maybe I'd beat them over the head with David Huss himself...
Fortunately gracious Graciela of British Airways was able to get us a seat on the flight leaving Heathrow Airport. Speaking of Heathrow, what gives here?! OK, we know it's a pretty darn big place but mind your manners people! Geez, even the people behind the Information desk wouldn't give you the time of day. Only in England you say. Pity. They must all be uptight about the prices of commodities in their country or something.
Now we won't say anything about struggling to our seats and finding two incredulous people already in them nor the fact that we had to wait to board buses on the tarmack since there weren't any available jetties to get us to the terminal. Oh, no we wouldn't even bring up those sore points...
Our flight from Heathrow to Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam was uneventful. We actually got seats without waiting for people not to show up. Boy, what a concept. Sell just enough tickets as there are seats. Enough already, let's move on.
Are We There Yet, Are We There Yet?
We landed in Amsterdam a mere 17 hours after we left Ottawa feeling the effects of three planes, five servings of airline food, and two pairs of British Airways socks (now just where are you going to wear blue socks with red-stripes anyways?). Just in time to meet up with our Dutch-Canadian friend Rita and her daughter Julia who both arrived in another Ottawa flight. They left Ottawa four hours later than Tom and Marie but were first to arrive in Amsterdam--go figure. Now, if you want to know how much luggage can fit in a Ford Mondeo (European equivalent of a sporty Ford Taurus), we can tell you that five people and a lunch bag each should do it. How we ever fit in five pieces of luggage as well I'll never know. Rita's Dutch father, Cor, is the ultimate pack man!
A typical rural Dutch house with a roof made of reeds. Talk about having to mow the roof!
We got to take a driving tour down to Schoonhoven (translates to “clean haven”) from Amsterdam. The one thing that stood out besides the number of dikes along the roads was the rural houses that have steep-pitched roofs made of thatches. You could tell the age of the roofs by how much grass and weeds had grown on its surface. We expected to see the three little pigs being chased by a hungry wolf. And talking about houses, we found out later that “Te Koop” means “for sale”. And to think that we thought it referred to the richest real estate agent in the Netherlands after seeing many of these signs posted on windows and storefronts...
Another observation was the inclusion of bike paths wherever there was a roadway. So much that pedestrian's must look both ways for cars and trucks, then look again for bicyclists. We got sore necks when on foot from looking this way and that before running across an intersection.
Bikes outside Gouda train Station. Now just where did I park my bike??
We spent the first three days at the de Pater's residence with a half dozen sheep and an aging Rooster that would make a nice meal one day. We also met Rita's brother, Wim, and wife Marjan who forced us to watch their windsurf video taken in Tarifa, Spain ;-). Each meal finished with a creamy delight--a cross between custard and yogurt. If North America found out about this treat, it would be an instant hit. There was also ample Gouda cheese since the town of Gouda (pronounced “how-da”) was a short drive away. We also got to partake in a family Sunday cycle--35 kilometers at that. Boy, do they love to bike for the sake of biking!
The City of Amsterdam
Amsterdam (translates to “Lower Land”) began life in the 13th century, when fishermen built a dam across the mouth of the Amstel river. If that name rings a bell, then you have brew on the brain. (Amstel is the cheap suds of the Netherlands. Most locals seem to enjoy the local Heineken instead or one of the blanche brews of Belgium.) The city is actually about 10 feet below sea level so there is a myriad of canals that web (called “grachtengordel”) around the city that were built in the early 17th century mainly to defend the perimeter. Herengracht, or “Gentlemen's Canal” is the finest canal that is a sign of contemporary male ascendancy. At least this is what the Tour Book says.
Tall, narrow buildings with houseboats (which people live in year-round) along an Amsterdam canal. There's Marie on the left doing an Egyptian pose.
Amsterdam became the capital of the Netherlands in 1813. During World War I Amsterdam managed to stay neutral and during World War II they were occupied by the Germans. This may have fostered the social liberalism evident today with the Red Light District (Prostitutiezone) in downtown Amsterdam (located mainly between Warmoesstraat and Oudezijds Achterburgwal) and the “coffee shops” that offer hashish and marijuana du jour on the menu. In one recent incident, the Amsterdam sex-club Yab Yum applied for a license to open up a relax-club at Amsterdam Schiphol Airport for “tired transit passengers”. Schiphol did not issue the license adding “it would not have additional value” said a spokesperson. The consensus? “Visitors and inhabitants are being screwed already for years by the airport”, was one of the comments by surrounding residents. (Source: Amsterdam Times, March 2000)
One funny observation while reading the hotel-supplied Amsterdam Times, March 2000, was a list of the Top 10 of irritations as follows:
Most visitors, as we did, arrive in Amsterdam on one of the many trains travelling to Centraal Station. As with most busy venues, watch your wallet around this area. If you look like a tourist, walk like a tourist, then you will “donate” like a tourist. Tom knew better, right?! Read on and we'll see.
You haven't seen stairs until you visit the Netherlands! Climbing up stairs require strong quadricep muscles and a steady hand on the handrails. These stairs lead down to the Anne Frank's, Secret Annexe.
Our first impressions of Amsterdam were favorable. Lots of buildings built in the 17th century, tall and narrow with lots of windows. The city itself was clean with various shops to buy produce. The transportation system by rail or bus was ideal and free if you claim ignorance. The people, especially the younger ones, all spoke English and were helpful. Something the people at Heathrow could learn from.
One thing that we began to realize is that the Dutch are a very tall race. Tom, at six feet, felt uncommonly short compared to the size of the locals. They are not only tall but lanky with nary an overweight person in sight. Must be all that biking, speedskating, soccer, and dike jumping, huh?!
Tom and Marie stayed at the Tulip Inn that is highly recommended for its location and facilities. Just don't ask for a non-smoking room since there aren't any even if they say there are. Our room had a lingering scent of mary-jane from the previous tenants. In fact, smoking in Europe was like smoking was in North America 25 years ago. Expect to find people smoking everywhere including meeting rooms and schools. Hack!
Graphics Mania Conference
The Graphics Mania 2000 conference was scheduled for the Tuesday and Wednesday, March 14-15th just south of the Amsterdam downtown core. You could take a $25 taxi or hop on one of the trolley-train combinations on the we're-tourists-and-don't-know-how-to-purchase-a-ticket discount. Due to various reasons that I'm sure Bob van Duuren can go into depth, the attendance was in the mid-60's. I'd say most attendees were male and middle-aged or older. Rick Altman, the other hired North American gunner, commented that he found Europeans to be more reserved than their NA counterparts. So much so that Bob was able to have an open bar happy hour at the end of each day and not have to arrange a second mortgage. Hey Rick, there's an idea for CorelWorld™!
Fiaaz Walji (Corel Corporation) hard at work in the Help Center. As for Rick in the background, well, click the image to see what a 12 hour flight from California will do to one of the best...
Tom, Rick, Bob and fellow Dutch presenters (Erwin Olij, Pieter Dhaeze) alternated between presentations, Speaker's Corner, and the Help Center with Hardo (Finnish for ??). Sessions were small but attended by eager students who wanted to know more about CorelDRAW®, PHOTO-PAINT®, and Corel VENTURA™ (yes, the beast lives in Europe too). Because of the sparse crowd, the Help Center was a good place to ponder about life.
Now if you find using a computer is an normally a baffling experience, imagine what Tom and Rick were up against when dealing with a Dutch Windows interface. Here's some examples:
| English Command | Dutch Equivalent |
| Explorer | Verkennen |
| Network Neighborhood | Netwerkomgeving |
| Copy | Kopiëren |
| Cut | Knippen |
| Paste | Plakken |
| Paste Special | Snelkoppeling plakken |
| Computer | Computer (hah!) |
Corel Corporation had a small booth manned by the likes of Jos Heijmans who is Regional Manager - Corporate Channel for Benelux, UK & Scandinavia. We had to ask Jos what “Benelux” stands for (Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg) which led into the references “Netherlands” versus “Holland” versus “North and South Holland” versus just where is Luxembourg? If we knew all the answers to the differences, we'd tell you right here. Amen to that.
The Happy Hour crowd at Graphics Mania. Can you spot Jos wearing the Corel shirt?
What to Do in Amsterdam
Amsterdam has a host of interesting places to visit or tour. Some of the places we visited were:
Anne Frankhuis: Anne Frank's story “The Secret Annexe,” where the Frank family and their friends lived secretly above a storeroom during the Nazi-occupied Amsterdam. Anne's passionate diary kept by Anne during her years in hiding was later published with assistance by her father, Otto, who was the only one of their family to survive the Nazi concentration camps.
Rijksmuseum Vincent Van Gogh: The largest collection of Van Gogh's paintings where his work and tragic life are displayed. The most famous works are the iconic Sunflowers series.
Delft: Fine ceramics now made in Taiwan. OK, bad joke. The town of Delft is 20 minutes from The Hague (Ottawa's twin city in the Netherlands) and consists of many stores on the Market that sell Delft china. Marie and Becky can tell you of a Castle that has 300 steps winding up to the lookout. They know because they nervously traveled up the steps to overlook the city.
Red Light District: We stumbled upon a section en route to our hotel. Any window that has a neon red light around it is a clear indication that the lady is seeking your patronage. They either sit, stand, or dance (jiggle?) in very cramped quarters. Most of the ladies we saw were African but realize what we saw represented a very small section of the Prostitutiezone. All we were trying to do was to get to the hotel. Honest!
Ethnic Food: Ask a Dutch and they'll tell you that there isn't really any authentic Dutch food other than brussel sprouts and potatoes. This is why there is a plethora of ethnic restaurants from Indonesian, East Indian, Turkish, Caribbean, and Japanese. And, we had a taste of them all and can say it was simply delicious. Now if only someone can tell us whether to tip or not, and how much...
Eat, eat, eat. Is that all they do? Some of the Graphics Mania staff after a delicious East Indian dinner. (left to right (top): Bob van Duuren, Becky and Rick Altman, Fiaaz Walji, Tom Anzai; (bottom) Karin van Duuren, Marie Anzai, and Hardo (Swedish for ??).
Now, that brings us to the end of our Amsterdam trip. After Graphics Mania 2000, Tom and Marie spent a couple of days in London to visit their UK reseller, Corporate Learning. There Tom met with Denise, James, and Victoria to talk about further marketing their Anzai! CorelDRAW® and Corel VENTURA™ courseware in the UK market. Hey Jos, they need your help! London is a large, historic, and an overpriced city that has great tube (subway) service to all points throughout London and environs. The only downside is that you probably have to pass through Heathrow and all its grumpy information booth employees.
OK, before we sign off and create our next article in progress due May 1st, Boot Camp North, The First Class Eh?!, you wanna know about Tom's wallet huh?! Well, let's just say that Tom donated his wallet and its contents to someone either in Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport or London's Heathrow Airport. So if you find his wallet and want to know what the funny colored money with the Queen's picture on it, it's a Canadian bill. Now, look at the Canadian loonie ($1 coin) and admire the graphics. Guess what?! The Canadian Mint uses CorelDRAW® to design its coins. Neat, huh?! Now just gimmee the rest of his wallet back...
Tot ziens to all!
“Assorted Graphics Mania 2000 Photos”
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| Yes, Virginia, there is a Bill Needle. He lives in the hearts and souls
of everyone on this Earth...and on Mars, Saturn, and the northern section of Pluto (turn
left at the buried lake). Bill likes to hitch a third-party ride so as not to get too
congenial with his subjects. He likes that unbiased approach to journalism. What?! This is
journalism?! Shhhh, don't tell him that. |
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